{"id":8304,"date":"2026-06-12T21:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-06-12T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/?p=8304"},"modified":"2026-07-09T18:54:38","modified_gmt":"2026-07-09T09:54:38","slug":"baris-noah-episode-12-conflicting-memory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/baris-noah-episode-12-conflicting-memory\/","title":{"rendered":"12. B\u00f6l\u00fcm\u3000\u3000\u0130nanmas\u0131 Zor Bir Hat\u0131ra | Baba \u00dczerine Ailenin \u00c7eli\u015fen Ge\u00e7mi\u015fi"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Hat\u0131ra bazen, ger\u00e7ekten ya\u015fanan \u015feyden \u00e7ok, sonradan ona verdi\u011fimiz anlam\u0131 saklar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sabah \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 solgundu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evin k\u00f6\u015felerine hen\u00fcz ula\u015fmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ankara sabahlar\u0131 uyanmak i\u00e7in biraz zamana ihtiya\u00e7 duyar. Uzakta a\u00e7\u0131lan d\u00fckk\u00e2n kepenklerinin sesi, yoku\u015fu \u00e7\u0131kan bir araban\u0131n bo\u011fuk u\u011fultusu, havada h\u00e2l\u00e2 kalan hafif nem. Pencerenin d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki \u015fehir hareket etmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ama evin i\u00e7inde, gece sanki biraz daha kalmak istiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f, koridorun penceresi yan\u0131nda duruyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00fcn gece Deniz\u2019in s\u00f6yledi\u011fi s\u00f6zler h\u00e2l\u00e2 i\u00e7inde duruyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cHi\u00e7 orada olmayan birini, varm\u0131\u015f gibi yapmak istiyorsun sadece.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bu \u00f6fkeydi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama sadece \u00f6fke de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ayn\u0131 ailede, ayn\u0131 baba yoklu\u011funu ta\u015f\u0131yan; ama onu Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019tan bamba\u015fka bir bi\u00e7imde i\u00e7inde tutmu\u015f birinin s\u00f6zleriydi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pencerenin d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki yoku\u015fa bakarken Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019\u0131n akl\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eimdiye kadar \u201chat\u0131ra\u201d sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feyler belki de yaln\u0131zca bir dilekti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir s\u0131rt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Al\u00e7ak bir ses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giri\u015fte ayakkab\u0131 ba\u011flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zen eller.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

R\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fen sesi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunlar\u0131 ger\u00e7ekten g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f m\u00fcyd\u00fc?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yoksa babas\u0131n\u0131n bir zamanlar var oldu\u011funa inanabilmek i\u00e7in, sonradan tek tek mi toplam\u0131\u015ft\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cUyanm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Arkas\u0131ndan annesinin sesi geldi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde Emine, omuzlar\u0131nda ince bir h\u0131rkayla duruyordu. Hen\u00fcz sabaha tam haz\u0131rlanmam\u0131\u015f gibiydi. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 gev\u015fek\u00e7e toplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde suyun serinli\u011fi h\u00e2l\u00e2 biraz duruyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201c\u2026Evet.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f cevap verince Emine pencerenin yan\u0131na geldi. D\u0131\u015far\u0131ya de\u011fil, evin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sanki o sabah evin havas\u0131n\u0131n ne kadar a\u011f\u0131r oldu\u011funu anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cUyuyamad\u0131n m\u0131?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cBiraz.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Yalan de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00f6zlerini defalarca kapatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ama babas\u0131yla ilgili par\u00e7alar, zihninde s\u00fcrekli yer de\u011fi\u015ftirerek belirmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ve art\u0131k hangisinin ger\u00e7ek oldu\u011funu kendisi de bilemiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emine bir \u015fey sormad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pencerenin ah\u015fap \u00e7er\u00e7evesine dokundu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131 hafif so\u011fuk cama de\u011fdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cAnne.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f, onun yan y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakarak konu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201c\u0130nsan kendi ihtiyac\u0131na g\u00f6re hat\u0131ra uydurur mu?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Emine hemen cevap vermedi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir s\u00fcre sonra hafif\u00e7e nefes ald\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cOlur herh\u00e2lde.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bu kadar \u00e7abuk cevap vermesi Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019\u0131 biraz \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cBunu \u00e7ok kolay s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorsun.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cKolay bir \u015fey de\u011fil. Ama olur bence.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sonunda Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019a bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cAc\u0131 veren \u015feyler k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclebilir. Hi\u00e7 olmam\u0131\u015f bir iyilik b\u00fcy\u00fcyebilir. Tersi de olur.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bu s\u00f6zler a\u00e7\u0131klamadan \u00e7ok, uzun ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f birinin sessiz bilgisi gibiydi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f tekrar d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yoku\u015fun ortas\u0131nda bir adam, elinde ekmek po\u015fetiyle durmu\u015f, ayakkab\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yeniden ba\u011fl\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O s\u0131radan hareket bile \u015fimdi Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019\u0131n i\u00e7inde bir yere tak\u0131l\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"A
Sometimes a stranger carries the shape of an old memory.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
\n

\u201cBen hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 san\u0131yordum.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cNeyi?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cBabam\u0131. Biraz. Ama\u2026 belki de asl\u0131nda hi\u00e7 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bunu s\u00f6yleyince i\u00e7inde bir \u015fey sessizce \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u00fcy\u00fck bir kay\u0131p de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama dayand\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerin biraz \u00e7\u00f6kmesi gibiydi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emine cevap vermedi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadece pencerenin yan\u0131ndaki perdeyi biraz d\u00fczeltti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O hareketinde, s\u00f6zlerden \u00f6nce insan\u0131 sakinle\u015ftirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bir al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k vard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"A
Some feelings remain in silence longer than words.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
\n

\u201cD\u00fcn Deniz bana bir \u015fey s\u00f6yledi.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f devam etti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cBen, hi\u00e7 orada olmayan birini varm\u0131\u015f gibi yapmak istiyormu\u015fum.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Emine\u2019nin parmaklar\u0131 durdu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026Ona benzer bir s\u00f6z.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201c\u0130nk\u00e2r etmeyecek misin?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201c\u0130nk\u00e2r etsem ne de\u011fi\u015fir?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bu s\u00f6z Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019\u0131n i\u00e7inde k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00f6fke uyand\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cYani ger\u00e7ekten \u00f6yle mi?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Emine bu kez biraz \u00e7aresizce g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nazikti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama cevap de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201c\u00d6yle demek de\u011fil.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cPeki ne demek?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sesi biraz y\u00fckseldi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama \u00f6nceki \u00f6fke gibi de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu kez, kendi i\u00e7indekine bile g\u00fcvenememenin tela\u015f\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emine duvardaki eski saate bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Akrep ve yelkovan sessizce ilerliyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sesi her zamankinden daha yak\u0131n geliyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cNet hat\u0131rlamasan da geriye kalan \u015feyler olur.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cAma ger\u00e7ek olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmiyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cBazen ger\u00e7ek olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 tek \u00f6nemli \u015fey de\u011fildir.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bu s\u00f6z Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019\u0131n kafas\u0131n\u0131 yine kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ger\u00e7ek olmasa da olur muydu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hat\u0131ra, bir ger\u00e7ek olmasa bile bir \u015fey anlatabilir miydi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emine devam etti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cMesela k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckken, babana bak\u0131p kendini g\u00fcvende hissetti\u011fin bir an olmu\u015f olabilir.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f sessizce dinledi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cO sahneyi net hat\u0131rlamasan bile, \u2018g\u00fcvende hissettim\u2019 duygusu kalabilir. Tersi de olur. Ne s\u00f6ylendi\u011fini unutursun, ama k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131k kal\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f bu s\u00f6zleri zihninde tekrarlad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sahne de\u011fil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Duygu kal\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6yleyse hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015fey de yalan olmayabilirdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama bu, oldu\u011fu gibi kalm\u0131\u015f bir hat\u0131ra da de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Daha belirsizdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Daha kolay k\u0131r\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu belirsizlik \u015fimdi ona dayan\u0131lmaz geliyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cO zaman neye inanaca\u011f\u0131m?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f\u2019\u0131n sesi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckt\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emine d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya bakarak konu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cTek bir \u015feyle karar verme.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n

\n
\"Bar\u0131\u015f
Some memories stay quiet long after the words disappear.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f bir an g\u00f6zlerini kapatt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadece isim yetmezdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadece harita da yetmezdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadece ayakkab\u0131lar da.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6fke de yetmezdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sessizlik de.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Babas\u0131n\u0131 tan\u0131mak i\u00e7in, par\u00e7alar\u0131 aceleyle tek bir cevaba \u00e7evirmemek gerekiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Annesinin s\u00f6ylemek istedi\u011fi \u015fey buydu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunu biraz ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Quiet
Some distances remain even after the voices fade.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

O s\u0131rada koridorun \u00f6b\u00fcr ucunda bir kap\u0131 kapand\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deniz uyanm\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130kisi de o tarafa bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama kimse konu\u015fmad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00fcn geceki \u00f6fke kaybolmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama o \u00f6fke de art\u0131k ailenin hat\u0131ras\u0131n\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 olarak burada duruyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cAnne.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f sessizce s\u00f6yledi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cBabam\u0131 tan\u0131mak istiyorum. Ama kendi kafamda kurdu\u011fum bir baban\u0131n pe\u015finden gidiyorsam\u2026 bundan korkuyorum.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Emine\u2019nin y\u00fcz\u00fc de\u011fi\u015fmedi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadece hafif\u00e7e ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cKorkarak da olur.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bu bir teselli de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Korkuyu yok eden bir s\u00f6z de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Korkuyla birlikte y\u00fcr\u00fcmekten ba\u015fka yol olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kabul eden bir s\u00f6zd\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pencerenin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda sabah \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yava\u015f yava\u015f g\u00fc\u00e7leniyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yoku\u015ftan bir ki\u015fi ge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sonra bir ba\u015fkas\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her biri bir yere gidiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama belki de herkes nereye gitti\u011fini net bilmiyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bar\u0131\u015f bunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130nanmas\u0131 zor bir hat\u0131ra, geriye hi\u00e7bir \u015fey kalmamas\u0131ndan daha m\u0131 iyiydi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yoksa insan, inanamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in mi gidip kendi g\u00f6zleriyle g\u00f6rmek isterdi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cevap h\u00e2l\u00e2 yoktu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama en az\u0131ndan, i\u00e7inde sallanan \u015feyi art\u0131k yok sayamayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O s\u0131rada koridorun ucundan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir r\u00fczg\u00e2r ge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perdenin ucu hafif\u00e7e k\u0131p\u0131rdad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00fcne kadar, yaln\u0131zca bundan bile bir anlam \u00e7\u0131karmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fabilirdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama \u015fimdi sadece bakt\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir anlam\u0131 olabilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Olmayabilir de.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yine de k\u0131p\u0131rdad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kesindi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hat\u0131ra da belki b\u00f6yle bir \u015feydi.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"Thin
The curtain moved quietly, even if no one understood why.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ankara\u2019n\u0131n sessiz sabah\u0131nda Bar\u0131\u015f, babas\u0131n\u0131n geride b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 sessizli\u011fi yava\u015f yava\u015f fark etmeye ba\u015flar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9465,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"swell_btn_cv_data":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[992,988],"tags":[1205,1380,1152,1030,1210,1213,1208,1088,1158],"class_list":["post-8304","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-baris-noah","category-story","tag-aile-hatirasi","tag-ankara","tag-baba-ve-ogul","tag-baris-ve-noah","tag-duygusal-yolculuk","tag-nostaljik-atmosfer","tag-sabah-isigi","tag-sinematik-hikaye","tag-turk-atmosferi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8304","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8304"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8304\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10022,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8304\/revisions\/10022"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9465"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8304"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8304"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldwatch.tokyo\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8304"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}